I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
