You made me cry and you don't even care
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
