i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
this is an emotional support booty call
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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