I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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