I am puke
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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