I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
