Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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