You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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