If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize