I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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