we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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