in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize