I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
