Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
