just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
