So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
