He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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