Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
