I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
