woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
