so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
