I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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