He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize