I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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