you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
