We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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