Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He has the fingertips of a God
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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