hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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