how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
