OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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