I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
