I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
People in love make me want to vomit
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
