eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
