I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
