I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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