Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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