I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He felt like a one man threesome
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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