I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
