I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
