So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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