I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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