i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize