all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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