you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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