The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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