I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
