I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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