Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
