from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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