He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
