We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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