I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
