dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
