I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize