I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
