Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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