I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
