Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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