He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
