Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
