I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
