I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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