You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
