Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
