i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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