According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
