I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
