You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
did you just send me my own nude
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
