She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
