I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
