from now on my penis is your penis
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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