Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think my nap took me to another dimension
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
