Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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