And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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