I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Drake has all the answers
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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